AGAIN

It has been 5 days I didn't take the medicine, I just want to back to my normal life, trying so hard to make myself get over it, but it is so suffering. Fed up of this life. When can I get rid of you??! I need to pretend to be okay, pretend to be happy, pretend to be strong, I am so tired of these. Whenever I need someone, I hardly can find anyone, everyone is so busy, they have their own life, they have their own things to deal with. I need someone to listen to me, to talk to me, to motivate me, whenever I am alone, 'she' will come back to attack me again and again. 'Try to think positively, try to be strong, try to be brave, I don't need anyone', used to tell myself, I realize those words are just optical illusion.

Family is a circle of strength and love.

D&M, love from you is what I have been eager for so long, you never give me support, even the time I needed you all most, you were not there, other things are always more important me, I know it. I hate my birthday. I merely wish you can buy a cake and sing a birthday song for me, I never ask for more, last year was a disappointment, this year I put so much high hope on you, miracle did not happen either. Fine. What you have promised are lies, if you can't do it, please don't simply make any promise, even I was so deeply hurt I still have to pretend I am fine, you will never know in midnight my tears dropping non-stop until the next morning. Well, it's alright, I have started to immune to everything, the wound still hurts, bleeding, but sometimes only. I don't know how long I still can stand it, maybe not so long...

I am crazy. I can't find any way to give vent to my feelings, this is the only way I know. Physically pain is nothing compared to my heart's wound.