AGAIN

It has been 5 days I didn't take the medicine, I just want to back to my normal life, trying so hard to make myself get over it, but it is so suffering. Fed up of this life. When can I get rid of you??! I need to pretend to be okay, pretend to be happy, pretend to be strong, I am so tired of these. Whenever I need someone, I hardly can find anyone, everyone is so busy, they have their own life, they have their own things to deal with. I need someone to listen to me, to talk to me, to motivate me, whenever I am alone, 'she' will come back to attack me again and again. 'Try to think positively, try to be strong, try to be brave, I don't need anyone', used to tell myself, I realize those words are just optical illusion.

Family is a circle of strength and love.

D&M, love from you is what I have been eager for so long, you never give me support, even the time I needed you all most, you were not there, other things are always more important me, I know it. I hate my birthday. I merely wish you can buy a cake and sing a birthday song for me, I never ask for more, last year was a disappointment, this year I put so much high hope on you, miracle did not happen either. Fine. What you have promised are lies, if you can't do it, please don't simply make any promise, even I was so deeply hurt I still have to pretend I am fine, you will never know in midnight my tears dropping non-stop until the next morning. Well, it's alright, I have started to immune to everything, the wound still hurts, bleeding, but sometimes only. I don't know how long I still can stand it, maybe not so long...

I am crazy. I can't find any way to give vent to my feelings, this is the only way I know. Physically pain is nothing compared to my heart's wound.

Define Happiness

Happiness for me are: 1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing so hard my face hurts. 3. A hot shower. 4. Having dinner with families. 5. A special glance. 6. Getting mail. 7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. 8. Hearing my favourite song on the radio. 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. 10. Watching horror movie with my love one. 11. Buy something I like. 12. Playing in rain. 13. Pillow talk with best friends. 14. A good conversation. 15. The beach 16. Preparing present for my him. 17. Laughing at yourself. 18. Eye contact with him. 19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. 20. Running through sprinklers. 21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. 22. Having someone tell you that me I am beautiful or good looking. 23. Wearing a beautiful dress. 24. Friends. 25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about me. 26. Waking up and realizing I still have a few hours left to sleep. 27. My first kiss(I'm looking forward it:P) 28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. 29. Playing with a kitty. 30. Having someone play with my hair. 31. Sweet dreams. 32. Chocolate. 33. Road trips with friends. 34. Swinging on swings. 35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger. 36. Making chocolate chip cookies (and eating them...!). 37. Having friends send me homemade cookies. 38. Holding hands with someone I care about.(my grandma:)) 39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change. 40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much-desired present from me. 41. Watching the sunrise & sunset. 42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day. 43. Knowing that somebody misses me. 44. Getting a hug from someone I care about deeply. 45. Knowing I've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

喜欢上一个人

喜欢上一个人不应该是快乐的吗？我却一直掉眼泪。

该死的爱一天一天在滋长，我越来越害怕，我恐惧这棵幼苗最后会因为得不到养分，爱，而死去。理智说我应该立刻把它连根拔起，可是，把它除了等于把我的心敲碎了。我做不到。我喜欢，不，我爱，所以我在乎，我心疼，我流泪。他是这么的遥不可及。他就像是夜里的星星，我只是地球上渺小的人类，距离十万八千里。

一个好朋友告诉我，‘只要一颗心在跳，它的主人就没有办法不去爱’，我很赞成这句话。只要我的心还在跳，我就无法不爱你。